Joe’s Favorite Jokes

Joe’s Favorite Jokes

I enjoy telling jokes.  I have a habit that when I get to the punch line I start laughing because I starting thinking how funny it is. Sometimes I  laugh harder after I tell the punch line.  People often laugh at me more than the joke.  Laughter is contagious.  Jokes are one way of creating belonging—sharing joy together.  “Laughter is the closet thing to the grace of God.”  Karl Barth

1, “Good Luck Mr. Gorsky” 

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks. Mostly routine conversation with the other astronauts. Just before he re-entered the lunar lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled and dodged the question. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the twenty-six-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a child, he was playing baseball with a friend in the back yard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in the front of his neighbor’s bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. “Sex! You want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

2. Wedding anniversary

Ole and Lena told their friend, Sven, that they had been married for 30 years. Sven asked Ole if he had done anything to celebrate with Lena, and Ole said that sounded like a good idea, so he took Lena to Norway. Five years later Sven suggested that Ole find another way to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Ole said that sounded like a good idea, so he went back to Norway, picked up Lena and brought her home

3. Arab Sheik 

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out to everywhere.  A resident of Lake Wobegon, Minnesota was located who had the right blood type whose name was Ole who willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent Ole, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, a pile of diamonds & several million U.S. dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through some corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Ole who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent Ole a thank you card and five pounds of lutefisk. Ole was shocked that time the Arab did not reciprocate with a new car, diamonds, and money. He phoned the Arab & said: “I thought you would be generous again, and you would give me another BMW, diamonds & money… But you only gave me a thank you card & some lutefisk. To this the Arab replied: “Yes but now I have Norwegian blood in my veins so I have to think twice before I spend.”

4. ”Wonderful tool for reducing stress”

In a Time magazine article on meditation the writer recommended a helpful exercise for stress management which was backed up by the latest psychological literature. What is amazing is that it actually works. Imagine you are near a beautiful mountain stream, hearing the soothing sound of water flowing, birds chirping, you feel warm sunlight with a cool breeze, the stream has crystal clear water which enables you to easily make out the face of the person you are holding under water

5. Golf clubs

Lena, Ole, if I died and you married again would you share my golf clubs with your new wife

Ole: No, she’s left handed.

6.A judge in a divorce court is explaining to Ole and Lena the settlement he arranged for them i(anyone who is a friend of Ole and Lena knows right away that this is a joke because they will never divorce each other)

Judge speaking to Ole: I have decided to give Lena $800 a month for support

Ole: That’s just fine Judge, once in a while I will give her a few bucks myself.

7.Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven. God says, “There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It’s very serious up there. I’ll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell.” So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously. On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell. On the 3,000th step. God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn’t laugh and walks through the gate into heaven. Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, “What are you laughing about?” Ole replies, “That is really funny. I just got the first joke!”.

8.Oak Street 

Ole: (Calling 911)  My wife Lena is really really sick, she could die

911: Where do you live?

Ole: We live on Eucalyptus street

911: Could you spell that?
Ole: ….hesitating, pausing….. What if I drag Lena down to Oak street and you pick her up there?

9.Doughnuts

Sven and Ole are walking down the road.  Ole is carrying a bag of doughnuts in his hand. Ole says to Sven, “If you guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both”

10. Ole was bragging to his boss one day, “I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Ole how about Tom Cruise?” “Sure, yes, Tom and I very old friends, and I can prove it.” Ole and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Ole! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!” Although impressed, Ole’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Ole that he thinks Ole’s knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Ole says. ”President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts. Ya sure,” Ole says, “I know him.” We’ll fly out to Washington to see him.” Off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Ole on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Ole, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.” The boss is shaken now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Ole, who again implores him to name anyone else. “The Pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Ole. “I’ve known the Pope a long time.” The unconvinced boss flies them off to Rome. Ole and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Ole says; “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Fifteen minutes later Ole emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Ole returns, his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss’s side, Ole asks him, “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, ‘Who’s that on the balcony with Ole?

11,Losing weight by skipping a day

Lena: Ole you are 78 years old and are overweight. Go to the doctor and see what he says (Ole goes to the doctor)
Doctor: Ole, here is your diet. You will lose 5 pounds if you do this for 2 weeks, eat regularly two days and skip a day (Ole is happy to tell Lena the doctor’s diet to lose 5 pounds; after 2 weeks Ole goes back to the doctor)
Doctor: I am shocked Ole, this is amazing, you lost 60 pounds. Did you follow my instructions?
Ole: I’ll tell you doctor, I thought I was going to drop dead on the 3rd day.
Doctor: From the hunger?
Ole: No doctor, not the hunger it was from all the skipping

12. Counting Ribs I am warning you this is a groaner. Eve was concerned because Adam would get up in the middle of the night, leave the house for 3 hours and then come back to bed. After he did this 3 nights in a row, while he was sleeping she reached over and counted his ribs

13. Acute appendix.So Ole has serious lower back pain and goes to the ER. He is surprised and also happy to be examined by a woman doctor. She checks out his appendix and tells Ole, “You have acute appendicitis.” Ole, smiling, says to her,

“Doctor, I bet you have a cute one too.”

14. “One Thing I don’t Like about Jesus”  Ole is enjoying his studies at Bible school. His wife Lena tells Ole her strong opinion about drinking wine, very opposed to Christians doing this, big sin. Jesus was against it. Ole is unsuccessful in changing her mind. Then he has a great idea from his Bible School studies,He says to Lena, “How about Jesus, changing all that water into wine.” Lena says, “Ya, that’s one thing I don’t like about Jesus.”

15. Celibate/celebrate Someone died and went to hell and discovered Martin Luther there. He asked Dr. Luther, “What in the world are you doing here?” and Luther answered, “It was works after all.” Another for Catholics: One of the Popes was receiving a tour of heaven and saw St Peter studying a Greek New Testament text crying loudly over and over again “Oh no, Oh no, Oh no!” The pope asks St. Peter what was wrong. St. Peter replies, “The text reads, “celebrate” not “celibate.”

16, Parking car during snow removal

Ole and Lena are listening to the Lake Wobegon morning weather report on the radio predicting 10 inches of snow, and declaring everyone must park on the odd numbered side of the street for snow removal. Ole quickly puts on his snow boots and coat and moves his car. The next day they hear the forecast is for 10 more inches of more snow and everyone must park on the even numbered side of the street. Ole quickly puts on his snow boots and coat and moves his car to the other side of the street. The next day would you believe it doesn’t stop snowing and the blizzard winds knock out the power on the radio just when the announcer is saying, “you must park your cars on the……” Ole asks Lena, “What am I going to do now” Lena replies, “Ole, just leave the car in the garage

17. Revelation 3;20 Genesis 3:10  A pastor rang the door bell of a single woman who had visited his church. He heard sounds inside the home but the woman did not come to the door. After waiting a while he left his calling card after writing Revelation 3:20 on the back of it (for those who have not memorized this verse, Jesus is standing at the door knocking…. saying anyone who hears my voice and opens the door I will come in and have fellowship with her/him). The next Sunday the pastor was shaking hands and this new visitor handed him a card on which she had written Genesis 3:10. Later that day the pastor looked up Genesis 3:10 and read, “I heard your voice in the garden, and I hid, for I was afraid, because I was naked.

18. Swedish introvert/extrovert How do you tell if a Swedish person is an introvert or an extrovert? Answer, A Swedish extrovert looks down at your shoes (not his shoes). When John Ortberg’s wife encouraged him to look people in the eye when he was talking to them he responded “I’m Swedish. Swedes never look anybody in the eye. Not even during eye examinations. That’s why there are no Swedish ophthalmologists.

19. Speed limit not the highway number A cop pulled over Ole, getting older, for driving too slow. Ole asked him what was wrong. He told the office he was going the speed limit, 22 miles an hour. The officer said, “Ole, that is the highway route number.” Just then the officer notices Ole’s wife, Lena, in the passenger seat. Lena’s eyes are bulging and she is as white as snow. He asks Ole, “What is wrong with Lena?” Ole replies, “Oh, she’ll be all right. We just got off Route 88.”

20. This is a joke based on ’René Descartes’ well known philosophy, “Cogito ergo sum.” “I think, therefore I am.” 

A man walked into a bar….
Bartender: What drink are you thinking of having?

Man: I am not thinking of anything right now.
The man disappeared.

21.Tourist outside Carnegie Hall speaking to a policeman: 

Tourist: “How do I get in?”

Policeman: ” Practice

22, Bible riddle jokes especially for grandpas to ask grandkids. 

Where was the Apostle Paul going on the road to Damascus? Damascus

Why did God paint the sunset with his left hand? Jesus was sitting on his right hand,

What was God’s response to Moses when he complained about his painful headache climbing up Mt. Sinai? Moses here are two tablets.

How many of each species (put the emphasis on this part) did Moses take into the ark?  zero; it was Noah not Moses.

23. Ole had grown old and was bed ridden. He realized that he was coming to the end of his life. One day he summoned his wife Lena and asked her to gather all of their money and their valuables and place them in the attic. He explained that when he died his spirit would stop in the attic and collect all of the valuables on his way to heaven. Lena did as Ole asked. Ole died and following the funeral friends and family along with the minister gathered back at the house. Lena remembered the valuables in the attic and asked everyone to check on them with her. When they got up to the attic they found all of the valuables still intact. Lena asked the pastor what he thinks happened. The pastor responded, “Maybe he should have asked you to place everything in the basement.”

24.  Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven. God says, “There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It’s very serious up there. I’ll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell.” So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously. On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell. On the 3,000th step. God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn’t laugh and walks through the gate into heaven. Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, “What are you laughing about?” Ole replies, “That is really funny. I just got the first joke!”.

25,  Sven and Ole were talking.

Sven: My wife doesn’t understand me, does yours?

Ole : My wife Lena doesn’t even know you!

26. Name dropping 

I am paying attention to how often I “drop names” and not doing this. I can’t tell you how many times Billy Graham and Mother Teresa have encouraged me to do this.

27  Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven. God says, “There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It’s very serious up there. I’ll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell.” So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously. On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell. On the 3,000th step. God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn’t laugh and walks through the gate into heaven. Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, “What are you laughing about?” Ole replies, “That is really funny. I just got the first joke!”.

28,  Sven and Ole were talking.

Sven: My wife doesn’t understand me, does yours?

Ole : My wife Lena doesn’t even know you!

29. I am paying attention to how often I “drop names” and not doing this. I can’t tell you how many times Billy Graham and Mother Teresa have encouraged me to do this.

30. Ole driving too slow 

A highway patrolwoman pulled over Ole for driving too slow.

Ole:  What’s wrong officer?  I was going the speed limit, 22 miles an hour.

Officer: Ole, that is the highway route number.

Just then the officer notices Ole’s wife, Lena, in the passenger seat. Lena’s eyes are bulging and her face is as white as snow.

Officer:  Ole, what is wrong with Lena?

Ole : Oh, she’ll be all right. We just got off Route 88.

 

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Healing Depression

HEALING DEPRESSION

HEALING DEPRESSION

DR. JOE JOHNSON, pastorjoejohnson@gmail.com

 

What is depression?

Healing the Wounded Spirit, John & Paula Sandford.

Depression is a condition in which our personal spirit has died to its capacity to sustain the person fully, either emotionally or physically.  Despondency is not the same as depression.  We all have highs and lows.  Normal people know that tomorrow they will feel better.  The key factor is that they still possess hope. 

 

A depressed person cannot help himself.  He must be resurrected b y the prayers of others.  Overcoming depression is not a matter of will power.  Recovery is not a matter of thinking more positively, making a series of positive confessions.  Depressed people are not only without hope. They know that tomorrow will not be better.

Loving Yourself, Walter Trobisch

At the root of every depression is the feeling of having lost something.  The deepest root of depression is the feeling that I have lost myself.  There are different kinds of losses:  Loss of job completed, battle won, adrenaline after preaching Sunday morning, confidence, health, self_respect, youth, job, or retirement.


Depression is not a sign of weakness.  Strong people fall into it.  The German word for depression is schwermut, which comes from two German words, schwer, the word for heavy, and mut, the word for courage.  The word schwermut means the courage to be heavy_hearted, the courage to live with what is heavy or difficult. Shallow, superficial people seldom have depressions.  It requires a certain inner depth of mind to be in depression.  Artists and musicians tend to be more susceptible to depressions perhaps because this courage to be heavy is a prerequisite for fruitfulness. 

The Lost Virtue of Happiness:  Discovering the Disciplines of the Good Life

J.P. Moreland & Klaus Issler

Chapter Seven:  Defeating Two Hardships of Life:  Anxiety and Depression

pp. 160-161, “The Physical Aspects of Anxiety and Depression.”

Exercise enchains the release of endorphins in the brain which help to elevate our mood and sense of well being…weight training or some form of exercise  that tears down, restores and strengthens muscles helps regulate the level of serotonin in the brain, something critical for eliminating anxiety and depression. 

 

QUESTIONS WHICH MAY HELP A PERSON RECOGNIZE THE PRESENCE OF DEPRESSION

Ask two or three, not all of these questions.

1.  Do you wonder sometimes if you will ever be happy again?

2.  Do you sometimes feel like you are not your real self?

3.  Does it seem at times that part of you has died?  What losses have you experienced?

4.  Do you wonder sometimes if your life counts for anything? Does my life have purpose or meaning?

5.  Do you sometimes feel like your spirit is saying, “I quit”? Do you lack physical energy to do little things?

6.   Do you speak a lot of “shoulds” to yourself?  Feel shame for not being what you believe you should be?

7.  Do you hesitate to ask help for others or from God because you’ve been disappointed too many times and don’t want to be disappointed again?

8.  Do you have difficulty sleeping or sleep more than usual? Loss or increase of appetite?

9.  Is every little decision a major burden?  Do you find that you can’t make yourself do the simplest household chores or tasks on the job, which you used to do easily?

10.  When did the depression begin and what was happening in your life at the time?

 

Ministry of healing prayer

Before praying say something like, “I can help you.  I know a person who was depressed and learned some things that helped her.  I have faith that this prayer will help. I will believe for you.   You do not have to believe.  A depressed person knows that if anything is up to him, it won’t work. Say anything that will help lift any pressure they are feeling to perform or do it right.

Prayer

 

Jesus, bring to life the part of (name) which has been lost or stopped living.  Light the candle in her spirit that has been snuffed out.  Bring to life the real person.  Jesus be with (name) when she started withdrawing from life because of all the pain.  Minister Your love and acceptance to (name).

I know Lord that (name) may not feel anything at present.  We are not doing this on the basis of feelings, but on the basis of my faith and I know it will work.    Sooner or later, maybe today, maybe next wee, but certainly in the near future, this person will begin to feel better, like suddenly seeing a blade of grass popping up through the snow.  I’m going to hold you in my heart.  I will keep on praying until you are totally free and out of depression. I know it will work, Lord and I thank and praise you for it.

Follow up suggestions:

 

Ask, “What is one thing you do when you feel most like your real self?”  Encourage the person to do one thing like take a bath, or walk, or do something that helps them feel like their real self.  Take the initiative to make another appointment for prayer.  I want to see you again. 

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God designed us to create belonging, the joy we share around us

Belonging is experiencing  “hospitality,” “community,” “being at home”, “feeling safe and welcome.”   Belonging is the joy and safe place we create around us.  “….each member  belongs to all the others…practice hospitality.” Romans 12: 5, 13

1.  Jesus experiences belonging during his baptism.   “I am your Father, you are my son, I love you.  You belong.”  The Trinity is a picture of belonging. Each member of the Trinity belongs to the other members.  Father loves the Son, Jesus loves Father and reveals Father’s love.  Father sends Holy Spirit who enables us to call God Father and reminds us we belong.

2.  We experience belonging though Jesus’ presence with us (Immanuel) when we receive Jesus’ love, delight in us, glad to be with us.  Holy Spirit affirms our identity as beloved sons and daughters of our dear Father always near to us..Romans 8:15

3.  God designed us to create belonging which is joy we we share around us. Joy is the sense that we are glad to be together. Being “present” with others means we are tracking with their feelings.  “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.,” Romans 12:15  We are designed by God to create belonging.  We are glad to be together with one another.

4.  Joy is what happens in your brain when someone is glad to be with you.  Jim Wilder, author of Joyful Journey, RARE leadership, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You. “Joy is that sparkle in your eye, that moment when your face lights up and softens in response to someone else’s smile!. Joy is a neurological response to someone else being glad to be with you and when you are glad to be with them!  Dopamine is naturally and BEST produced this way!”  Being joyful and happy may happen together but are not the same.

5.  Jesus creates belonging all the time, e.g. for the apostle John and Mary, Zacchaeus, Peter and He promises a safe to belong which he is preparing for us in heaven. John 14.

6.  Normally we think belonging is what people give us instead of what we create around us.  I create belonging with The Trinity when I pray, “I belong to Jesus, Holy Spirit, my dear Father always near.”

7.  The weak create belonging for the strong whenever  we receive from one another. Strangers create belonging. The Samaritan woman, an outsider, creates belonging for her town.

8. We create belonging, the joy we create around us, whenever we….

  • love with vulnerability, sharing our weakness
  • touch with honor and compassion
  • smile whenever we greet those we love and use sincere voice tones
  • ask questions that invite others to tell us truthfully how they are doing
  • express empathy which validates whatever the person is feeling and the size of the emotion, rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
  • say, “I am glad to be with you.” when someone asks “How are you?”
  • Pass the peace (shalom) (1) I feel grateful. (2) I open my heart and listen to God until I feel peace.(3) I notice  what gave me peace, and what shifted in my body.  (4) tell someone.
  • Express appreciation

9. “Strangers Create Belonging”  Identify the ways my daughter Anne and three Somali refugees create belonging for one another. See her recent FB post below. 

“My family has been offering temporary housing to three Somali refugees  (mother and daughters ages 11 and 14) for the past two weeks, and I want to tell you about it. I really started out just thinking I could be a “cultural navigator”. Because I wanted to do something and because Cuong (my husband) was a refugee, and because the commitment was only a few hours a week for eight months. When I brought up the idea to Cuong he said, “Do you realize what we are getting ourselves into?” I responded, “Well, it’s not like they will be living with us!”

Fast forward three months I found myself saying yes to having room in our house. Right after I said yes, I was not at all sure. But Anne Lamott popped up on my Facebook feed, saying: “You cannot help but love and be loved. You might as well give up on shutting down, staying armored or buttressed, refusing to be part of this love thing, because it is going to win. Trust me on this. You are doomed.”

So I accepted my doom. There have been many miracles since their arrival. Help, in all forms. The magic of seeing snow for the first time. The amount of hysterical laughter over Oregon’s puffy coats, indoor cats, rocking chairs, and my pronunciation of Somali words. The excitement of baking a cake together and the peacefulness of getting henna done. And I am so happy that these simple joys fill our days after everything this family has been through.”

But my absolute favorite interactions have been learning from each other in the kitchen and sitting down together for meals. After a few days of tentatively eating from each other’s courses, I came home to a fully set table, with food on the stove, and a note saying, “Eat that food!” My eyes filled with tears because I have heard so many saying that there is not enough to go around. Here was evidence of generosity beyond the limitations of what this family had to give. It brought back a lesson from my childhood, about loaves and fishes, and how when we show up with a little it is readily turned into abundance. I am certainly richer today.”

 

 

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Thought Rhyming with God

Bbliography: Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel, Wilder, Kang, Loppnow. https://www.facebook.com/equippinghearts/ “photos, Ed Khouri

Poetry in Scripture does not rhyme sounds; it follows the Hebrew pattern and rhymes thoughts. Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” The second line is a thought rhyme not a word rhyme. We are God’s “poetry” (poiema”) Ephesians 2:10. This means that as God’s poetry, our thoughts can rhyme with God’s thoughts.

Often in conversation we easily finish each others sentences and thoughts. In a mutual mind state we are not sure where our thoughts stop and the other person’s thoughts begin. The structure in the brain called the cingulate cortex makes it possible for meaningful communication to occur between two different minds by establishing a mutual-mind state. When establishing a mutual-mind state, we learn to think and feel the way people we love think and feel.

The interesting aspect of the mutual-mind state in the brain is that it works faster than the conscious mind so that we are never sure whether a mutual-mind thought is theirs or ours. This is what happens with God when we ak and listen for God’s response to something we appreciate (Immanuel Journaling). We expect a similarity between God-thoughts and our thoughts.

Thoughts that rhyme with God’s thoughts produce shalom (peace). Shalom is a state of harmony where everything works together, makes sense and is good. Shalom is the “peace of Christ” which rules in our hearts. Shalom acts like a referee in our lives who “stops the action” every time shalom is missing. The Greek word “brabeuo” literally means “sit asan umpire”. The rule for our life and relationships is that everything is in shalom. This happens when we are synchronized with God’s thoughts, when our thoughts rhyme with God’s thoughts. A shalom check tests for the witness of Holy Spirit within us and between us, whether we accept what we have written as truth about ourselves and if our experience matches God’s character as revealed in Scripture.

Shalom checklist

  • Do I feel peacefully calm
  • Am I sensing God’s loving presence?
  • Am I confident that nothing will take me away from God’s love?
  • Am I portraying my weakness accurately?
  • Am I still sensing God’s interactive presence in my painful memory?
  • Have my joy, peace and hope increased?
  • Has my desire to love and serve others increased?
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Favorite FB Posts Nov 2014-Feb 2015

Favorite FB Posts November 2014-February 2015

Healing of depression

We receive the gift of longer days (one more hour of sunlight) coming soon. A friend who has been suffering with depression shared recently that he dreaded Daylight Savings Time because the days were longer. This year he is thankful he is not feeling this dread of longer days. God is healing his depression. I speak hope and healing to those who are suffering with depression, especially from grief or loss, that the dread of longer days will be lifted and you will feel like yourself again.

Speaking Romans 8 from memory 

Yesterday during a Memorial Service for Bill Bugey at Grace HB I read the assigned Scripture readings. I spoke Romans 8:31-39 from memory which enabled me to make eye contact as I was speaking the Word of God. I could see people were receiving this word like we sometimes receive a “prophesy” a prophetic “now” word for that day. I introduced the Scripture readings by saying, “The same Holy Spirit who inspired these readings is here now to comfort and strengthen you. Holy Spirit is our Comforter, Strengthener, Helper.” Speaking a passage of Scripture from memory seems to provide a way for Holy Spirit to empower and anoint the Word of God. I am continually amazed and blessed doing this.

Your Majesty

Teresa of Avila’s favorite way of addressing God was “His Majesty!” I am thankful for her model of being a disciple of Jesus. I would change it to be “Your Majesty”. This helps me experience intimacy with God.”God’s love never had a beginning, but in it we have our beginning.”

Experiencing God’s Loving Presence

Julian of Norwich I am grateful that as long as I can remember I have experienced God’s loving presence, especially with Jesus, Immanuel. And then when I was 19 I met Holy Spirit who overwhelmed me with God’s love poured into my heart,spirit, will, mind, thoughts, feelings, soul and body (Romans 5:5). I especially enjoy participating in the love Holy Spirit, Jesus and our dear Father have for each other.

Beauty and Suffering Pierce the Heart

John Eldridge writes in his book, Journey of Desire, a quote from Simone Weil, “Beauty and suffering are the only two things that can pierce our hearts.” A recent study in “Emotions” stated that awe or wonder are good for our health. Anne Lamott describes 3 ways of praying,”Thank you, help and wow!” The “wow” prayer would be an expression of awe or wonder. Two years ago I experienced for the first time the Midnight Sun in Tromsø, Norway. I wasJohn Eldridge writes in his book, Journey of Desire, a quote from Simone Weil, “Beauty and suffering are the only two things that can pierce our hearts.” A recent study in “Emotions” stated that awe or wonder are good for our health. Anne Lamott describes 3 ways of praying,”Thank you, help and wow!” The “wow” prayer would be an expression of awe or wonder. Two years ago I experienced for the first time the Midnight Sun in Tromsø. I was surprised when tears started flowing during this awe filled moment.

Our First Freedom

The first freedom I have is the power to choose what I will allow my mind are living in the kingdom of the heavens) to dwell upon. Paul writes, “Since you have been raised with Christ (now set your hearts and minds on things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.” Colossians 3:1-2. When I set my mind on God revealed in the Word of God, I want to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength (body). The simple lyrics, “Jesus loves me, this I know; for the Bible tells me so” provide a narrative that overcomes false ideas of who God is.

Reflection Questions for our Experiences of Testing

In today’s Gospel Jesus is driven by Holy Spirit to be “tested” in the desert. I invited everyone in my spiritual formation class to write answers to these questions (1) Name experiences of being “tested”–dark night of the soul, desert times, wounding, suffering of any kind, stuck places, unanswered prayer (2) From where do you get your strength when you are “tested”? (3) What are gifts God gave you as you received healing and overcame the suffering? I invited everyone to answer one or more of the questions, with permission to pass. This helped provide a safe place to share intimate stories. We also shared tissues for tears and received love from one another. My experience is people are longing for a safe place to do this.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Wedding Sermon

I am thankful for Roman Catholic followers of Jesus who celebrate marriage as a sacrament. German Lutheran pastor, theologian, and Christian martyr, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, was a champion for marriage. He wrote from a Nazi prison to his niece before her wedding: “Marriage is more than your love for each other. . . . In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed in a post of responsibility toward the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office….It is not your love that sustains your marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.” Andrew Comisky, evangelical pastor and author of “Strength in Weakness”, is a contemporary champion for marriage. He is recently celebrated the sacrament of confirmation as a Catholic Christian. He wanted to be yoked with followers of Jesus who carry the weight of this call to champion marriage.

Empathy is an Antidote to Shame

“Empathy is an antidote to shame. Empathy is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Empathy is connecting with love by being with a person without condemning, judging or shaming. When Jesus prophesies over Peter that he is going to deny him he does not shame him. He prays for Peter that when this happens he will be restored. After being raised from the dead Jesus finds Peter fishing and connects with Peter ‘s heart when he asks three times, “Do you love me?” Each time Peter responds, ‘You know I love you.” Jesus provides an opportunity for Peter to disidentify with a shameful identity, “I am the kind of person who denies Jesus.” His true identity is “I am a lover of Jesus.” “I am the kind of person in whom Jesus expresses confidence, “Feed my sheep, you are a loving shepherd!”

The Healing Power and Blessing  of Touch

I am the kind of person who thrives on touching people with love through healing prayer with laying on of hands, speaking blessings, holding hands, all kinds of hugs, hand on a shoulder, fist bumps for kids. Years ago a nurse discovered through research that touch increased the hemoglobin content of the blood (which carries oxygen). MPPC tweeted these John Ortberg quotes on the power of touch; “Simply the power of touch, a hug, a hand on a shoulder…can bring healing to another soul. A touch can communicate an expression of love we could never put into word. To touch in love is to bless. Touch is never simply physical. It involves a spiritual connection because we are spiritual beings.”

February Ole and Lena Joke

My February joke never told before. A hooded robber burst into a bank in Lake Wobegon, Minnesota. He yelled at all the tellers to fill his sack with cash. Quickly moving toward the exit a brave Lake Wobegan resident pulled off his hood so she could see his face clearly and he immediately shot her. The robber turns back to others in the bank and looks at a teller who sees his face and he shoots him. Everyone is frozen in fear and silence looking down. The robber asks, ‘Did anyone else see my face?’ Ole raises his hand and says, “I think my wife Lena might have got a good look at you

Personal Testimony of Healing of Father’s Love

I appreciate all your prayers for doing Jesus’ ministry in Arizona. I received a FB post after being with the Vineyard Gilbert Church.   “Thank you so much for your sermon and ministry at The Vineyard in Gilbert, AZ. Your father prayer and anointing for the congregation was extremely moving. As you prayed for me, I experienced the love of my Father as no other. Your embrace as I wept and you prayer in tongues unleashed in me a gratefulness that I have not ever experienced before. Thank you and bless you.”

January 2015 Joke, “One Thing I don’t Like about Jesus”

My first joke for 2015. How blessed you are. Ole is enjoying his studies at Bible school. His wife Lena tells Ole her strong opinion about drinking wine, very opposed to Christians doing this, big sin. Jesus was against it. Ole is unsuccessful in changing her mind. Then he has a great idea from his Bible School studies,He says to Lena, “How about Jesus, changing all that water into wine.” Lena says, “Ya, that’s one thing I don’t like about Jesus.”

Accessing the Kingdom

The kingdom of God is real, I access the kingdom when I read Scripture expecting God has something utterly personal to say to me. “It is not only God’s Word for the Church, but also God’s Word for us individually. We expose ourselves to the specific word until it addresses us personally. And when we do this, we are doing no more than the simplest, untutored Christian does every day; we read God’s Word as God’s Word for us.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together, 82. What are some the ways you are accessing the kingdom of God?

2015 New Years Blessing

My 2015 New Years Blessing to all you beloved FB peeps! “I bless you with anticipation of “earthquake” experiences of God’s love, like the earthquake in Jesus’ soul when He heard our dear Father always near say to Him, “You are my son, I love you!” I bless you with surprises in your conversation with God, serendipitous moments when God’s loving presence is near and manifest and you hear clearly and know this is God speaking to you”

Wearing Love

I am stripping off my old self with its practices (ill fitting stuff) and putting on a new self. I am wearing love, it is my all-purpose garment. I never want to be without it. My love wardrobe includes virtues of compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength and long suffering. I am strong because I live in the kingdom and because of who I am, “the one Jesus loves!” “one in whom Christ dwells and delights!’I am practicing humility by (1) not pretending I know more than I do or mislead by exaggerating my successes or what I know to look good (2) not presuming by judging a person’s motives, I assume persons have good reasons (in their mind) for doing what they do (3) not pushing to get my way, have the last word, instead wait for Holy Spirit to speak to a person, let go of my pride when I don’t get my way.

The Person I am Becoming

This is so good that I am posting it again. “The main thing God gets out of my life is the person I am becoming. And the main thing I get out of my life is the person I am becoming.” Last May I began my 8th decade doing soul keeping. When I was five years old I remember doing “devotions” alongside a creek in Canton, South Dakota with my best friend. I told Bernie if Jesus was on the other side of the creek I would walk on the water to be with Him. I believed Jesus would help me do this

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Heart of the Father Ministry, June 2014 Favorite FB Posts

Heart of the Father Ministry, June 2014 Favorite FB Posts 

FB friends, chosen, holy and dearly loved. I bless you in 2014 with the best, the very best year of your life. I bless you with a Holy Spirit empowered experience of being chosen by God who has always wanted you to know Jesus’ love, love that is stronger than fear, death, suffering. I bless you with truth you are “holy” set apart, consecrated, dedicated for kingdom life. I bless you with an experience of being dearly loved by Father who is always near. In the name, the name above all names, name which saves of Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Amen—woohoo!”

Receiving Holy Spirit

My favorite names for Holy Spirit are Helper and Strengthener. “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever.” I am thankful for Pastor Herb Mjorud evangelist for the Evangelical Lutheran Church who laid hands on me in 1962 to receive the Holy Spirit. This experience was an earthquake to my soul, transformed my relationship to God. I longed for God’s Word so strongly I took a break from Concordia College to spend a year at LBI in Teaneck, NJ studying the Bible. During the Jeremiah class I sensed God calling me to be a pastor. I was on a pre-med track the first 2 years of college to be a medical doctor. Instead I became a doctor of the soul.

Hate the sin in ourselves

Jesus never taught us to love the sinner and hate the sin in the sinner. He taught us to love one another as He loved us (sinners) and to hate the sin in ourselves, “Remove the log in your eye before you can see clearly to remove the speck in the one we are judging.

Holding shame at bay during inner healing prayer

When I pray for inner healing my goal is to hold shame at bay long enough in order to hear what Jesus wants the person to know and release freedom from the lies and strongholds that hold the person captive. We disarm and heal shame through unconditional love and acceptance and sometimes through deliverance. Shame loses its grip on us when we affirm our identity as one whom Jesus loves and is glad to be with, delights in us.

The dreamer in us stops dreaming

What do you do when you wake up the day after your best dreams die? You wake up, you’re still alive, and you have to go on and you don’t know why or how to live without the dreams. The dreamer in us stops dreaming and we wonder if Jesus will ever give us another one. Do we have the strength to risk dreaming knowing how devastating it is to experience what we hoped would happen, thought would happen, believed would happen, were sure would happen DID NOT HAPPEN. Habakkuk 3:17 “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,…..” We let the dreams go, we grieve the loss of our dreams, we name what we lost, what did not happen. We ask Jesus to bring to life the dreamer in us that stopped living. We ask for grace to dream again. We choose to declare, …”yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.The Sovereign Lord is my strength (Habakkuk 3:18).

Embrace the suffering of grieving loss

Feeling sad when we lose a loved one may trigger trauma and grief from previous losses. I encourage clients to embrace the suffering of grieving losses. When I stay current with my losses, grieving the little ones as well as big ones, i am less likely to be overwhelmed by “triggering”. When Judy and I were evacuated from the White Mountains in 2002 because of the fires we said “Goodbye” to our house as we drove out of the driveway. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Before I became a serious apprentice of Jesus’ teaching through Dallas I believed it was a blessing to mourn so that we could be comforted. That may be true. However this is not what Jesus was teaching in the beatitudes. He is saying, “Even if you’re grieving a loss the comfort of participating in God’s kingdom is available to you.

Affirming our identity

I believe one of the central events in Jesus’ life was his baptism when he heard God say, “You are my beloved son!” This was like an earthquake in the human soul of Jesus. Jesus affirmed his identity when He prayed to God using a child’s word for “Daddy”, “Abba”. When Jesus taught his 12 apprentices to pray he began, “Our Abba, our dear Father.” Praying the “Our Father” is one way we affirm our identity.

Favorite prayers I learned from Dallas and Jane Willard

I listen closely to others to learn how to pray, especially when they are praying for healing. A favorite I learned from Dallas, “My prayer for you is that you would have a rich life of joy and power, abundant in supernatural results, with a constant, clear vision of never-ending life in God’s world before you, and of the everlasting significance of your work day by day. A radiant life and death.” At breakfast Jane Willard and Dallas Willard would pray, ”Father, make us the kind of persons that would make other people glad that God made the world and he put us in it.”

The gift of tears

I am looking above my computer seeing raindrops on my window which remind me of big tears, crocodile tears. I believe God has given me the gift of tears. Tears are liquid prayer. Tears help us experience intimacy with God and often are a response to the presence of the Holy Spirit, feeling loved by our dear Father and Jesus always near, our best friend. The Syrian Fathers wanted tears to be a sacrament in the Church. Saint Ephraim goes so far as to say until you have cried you don’t know God.Women live longer than men, perhaps because they are freer to express tears. Tears go with many different feelings–anger, sadness, joy, love, fear, depression, hope. Tears flowing now as I am listening to John Michael Talbot sing “Holy is your name”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Blessings and Jokes

Blessings and Jokes

Two of my favorite things to do are give blessings and tell jokes.  Almost every Sunday for 42 years pastoring Lutheran Congregations in California and Arizona I gave the Aaronic Blessing at the close of worship. “The Lord bless you and keep you (safe)  The Lord make his face to shine (smile) on you, and be gracious (give favor)  to you;  the Lord lift up his countenance upon you (look straight at you) , and give you peace .” Numbers 6:24-26. This is the blessing Moses instructed his brother, Aaron to place on the people of Israel. I heard Dallas Willard defines blessing as  “the projection of good into the life of another. It isn’t just words. It’s the actual putting forth of your will for the good of another person. It always involves God, because when you will the good of another person, you realize only God is capable of bringing that. So we naturally say, “God bless you.”

Blessing is a way of imparting something to the one we bless. Paul writes, “I am longing to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—so that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith” Romans 1:11-12. My mother, Gladys Gundersen, Johnson, died in 2003 at the age of 101.  Mom was continually expecting prayers to be answered .  She  prayed over me  that I would receive an impartation of her Spirit anointing in prayer.   I am looking forward to 30 mores years of living in that impartation.

Here are some blessings I posted on Face book

Father’s Day 2013, I bless each one of you FB friends with father’s love and our dear Father’s love. I bless you with the kind of embrace from our dear Father in the heavens that the running father gives his dearly loved son in Jesus’ parable. He throws his arms around his son and keeps on kissing him with lots of joy and delight. I bless you with the words Jesus received from his Dad, “I love you, my dearly loved one!” Papa Joe

FB friends, chosen, holy and dearly loved. I bless you in 2014 with the best, the very best year of your life. I bless you with a Holy Spirit empowered experience of being chosen by God who has always wanted you to know Jesus’ love, love that is stronger than fear, death, suffering. I bless you with truth you are “holy” set apart, consecrated, dedicated for kingdom life. I bless you with an experience of being dearly loved by Father who is always near. In the name, the name above all names, name which saves of Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Amen—woohoo!

I bless you with laughter and joy with some Ole and Lena jokes

Ole was worried when his wife became seriously ill.  He phoned 911 to ask for help.  The 911 person asked Ole to give his address.  He said I live on Eucalyptus street.  The 911 person asked, “Could you spell that?”  There was a long pause and finally Ole responded, “What if I drag her down to Oak street and you pick her up there.”

 Ole and Lena were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Ole had some hearing loss. Lena says to Ole, “Ole I am so proud of you!” Ole responds “What did you say?” She tells him again, “Ole I am so proud of you.” Again Ole responds, “What did you say?” Lena did not give up she tells him one more time, “Ole I am so proud of you.” Ole responds, “Ya, I am a little tired of you too Lena.”

Ole and Lena are a happily married couple. Around midnight, Sven, the town Sheriff, receives a phone call telling Sven that he has to go into town because his friend Ole is in the town square stark naked. Sven is not happy about this but said he would go find out why his friend Ole is in town stark naked. Sure enough he finds Ole just as reported. He asks Ole, “What are you doing in the middle of town stark naked?” Ole says, “Yah, Lena and I enjoyed a little too much Aquavit (whiskey) and she says to me, “Ole, let’s take off our clothes and go to town”–Ole says to Seven, “And I am the first one here.”

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